Where to even begin on this one? It was Chris and Lyndsey’s final day of visiting me. As every non-Floridian thinks, a visit to Florida means a visit to the beach.

Personally, I am not a beach guy. I don’t see what all the hype is about. This is probably because I was raised as a lake guy in the lakes of Tennessee, Florida and Kentucky.

Anyways, it was Chris and Lyndsey’s last day. We were torn by a few things. Chris wanted to go to the Cigar City Brewhouse in Tampa. Lyndsey wanted to see the beach on her last day in Florida and I was hungry. So what did I suggest that could help accomodate all of these needs? Hogan’s Beach of course.

I had only heard about Hogan’s Beach about a week before their visit. I am not sure why the indigenous people of Florida kept a gem from me for far so long but I am a strong advocate of anything professional wrestling.

Chris and Lyndsey had never had a conch fritter… WTF?

Apparently Hogan’s Beach is a beach restaurant that the legendary wrestler Hulk Hogan bought on the outskirts of Tampa with limited beach front on the Tampa Bay. I pushed strongly for this idea that morning as I knew it was close to the Cigar City Brewhouse and had the beach that Lyndsey desired.

We urbanspooned (yeah I guess you can make the use of any app a verb by adding a ‘d’ to the end of it these days) Hogan’s Beach and got the shittiest reviews. The Rusty Pelican was a nearby restaurant that they were pushing for as we approached Tampa from Saint Petersburg but I was still hesitant. Fortunately it was Father’s day and The Rusty Pelican looked to “Sunday Best” for us three. I eventually sold my idea of Hogan’s Beach.

The place was so misleading for the reviews the internet gave it as it looked like a luxury hotel from the outside. After eventually determing that valet parking was the only way we were going to get in we gave up and paid the fee to have some mindless idiot to park our car 20 feet away.

We walk in the sliding glass doors and I am already ecstatic with the choice I force upon my friends. We are immediately greeted with movie posted from Hulk Hogan’s hayday in the early 90’s.

We continue walking and my day is immediately fulfilled. There is a display of Hulk Hogan’s wrestling championship belts before we even get into the restaurant. I was shocked to see a TNA belt on display. That might have been the best part.

We finally get seated to our table with a beautiful view of the bay and order some simple beach lunch food. I will make a note that my guests had never had conch fritters so I found it a necessity to add it to my tab and let them try the most Floridan snack available.

Overall the food was subpar. Just as the reviews had described. The beachfront access was also subpar. Not the layout beach that Lyndsey had hoped for but I was still having a blast.

Obviously Jimmy Hart’s vehicle. (I think)

The whole experience was just as shitty as I had hoped. The restaurant seemed like a beach front that seemed to be the kind of place that attracted Ed Hardy wearing scum and Lyndsey quickly decided she didn’t want to lay out here. We decided to wrap our trip up with a few pictures and head to the Cigar City Brewhouse.